From the moment we make our grand entrance into this harsh world, fresh from the womb, our human nature cries out for what it wants. We are selfish creatures and we want what we want, when we want it. We tend to view life as a cruise ship. We board, grab an iced tea and a good book, flop down in a chaise lounge, poolside, and settle in for the ride. Never concerning ourselves with the Captain of the ship who is attempting to dodge the hull ripping, Titanic sinking iceberg in our path. We skim right by it due to His masterful skill and we never even know it.......we are too busy singing karaoke........off key.
I wanted "anonymous" now. No, I wanted him yesterday. I trembled as I sat in my Pastor's office a few short weeks after my return from my visit with "anonymous." I was ushered into a boardroom and sat at one end of a very large, very long highly polished heavy wood table. Surrounding this table were at least ten to twelve large, high backed over stuffed chairs. The whole place had the feel of parliament or something. I was fully expecting my Pastor and Pastor;s wife to enter said chamber in black robes and powdered wigs. But alas, they did not, however my Pastor does have a way of adjusting his glasses on his nose that makes one's blood run cold.
My blood WAS rather chilly that day, along with sweaty palms and cotton mouth as Bro. and Sis. Keyes sat across from me at that long, long table. As my Pastor began to tell me the things that God had revealed to him about "anonymous" I sunk lower and lower in my chair. By the conclusion of our meeting you would have been hard pressed to FIND me in that chair I was so small. How could Bro. Keyes know everything about "anonymous" including what he looked like clear down to hair and eye color, height, physique and personality without ever having met "anonymous"? I sat in stunned silence, in awe and reverence as I began to realize that God had intervened on my behalf.
Then, came the hard part. Pastor told me that if I was determined to be with "anonymous" that he would be willing to meet with "anonymous" in spite of his strong feelings of misgiving. This threw me into a real quandary. My personality is such that I prefer solid answers, clear and direct instruction. I did not know what to do! I began to sweat! I knew what God wanted me to do, but my flesh was at war with the Almighty and I needed the man that I respect above all men to tell me exactly what he wanted me to do.
"Pastor Keyes" I said. "Please tell me what you feel that I should do and I will do it. I would never marry anyone without your blessing." He looked at me in his signature way and said, "Okay, do not see or speak to this man again, he is not the will of God for you."
I was devastated!! I tell you my world had just crumbled around my feet at my Pastor's words. I was in love! Or at least I thought I was. Was I? Looking back on it now I think I was in love "with love." I was in love with romance, with the warm fuzzies that accompany a mindless infatuation. My Pastor had given me the answer that I knew was straight from the mouth of God, but oh boy was it hard to swallow. How could I have been so wrong in this? I had convinced myself that this was the will of God. What a dummy!
I broke the news to "anonymous" and he too was devastated, or at least I think he was. In retrospect I think he may have just been an Oscar worthy actor. Regardless, the wedding was off. I will not lie to you and say that I lived everyday in strict obedience to my Pastor in regard to "anonymous." We still texted and spoke on the phone off and on for months before I got word that "anonymous" had moved on with his life and gotten married. I felt numb at the news, as though I had been slapped across the face, yet oddly at peace. As though I had finally closed the door on a room God did not want me to enter. It was over, and I was serene and at peace.
I dated some, quickly realizing that I DO NOT LIKE THE WHOLE DATING THING!! I discovered early on that men are...... well........ a little odd.