We arrived at the clinic to find the doors locked. Were we at the right place? But, of course, it was a Saturday. We knocked. The on call Doctor came to the door himself and let us in. There were no other patients, no nurses, just the Doctor and a woman at the front desk. We sat in the waiting room for just a few minutes before the Doctor called us back into the examination room.
I perused a magazine as Tim removed his shirt and t-shirt and climbed up onto the table. The Doctor asked all the standard questions and I chimed in only when necessary, to help Tim remember times and dates of episodes, etc. The Doctor listened to Tim's lungs, his heart, checked his blood pressure, all of the typical Doctor appointment stuff. I distinctly recall looking up to see the Doctor pull a pen light out of his shirt pocket to look at Tim's eyes. The second that he shined the light into Tim's eyes, Tim became limp, his eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed onto the examination table.
"Dial 911!" the Doctor screamed to the receptionist as he hovered over Tim, shaking him, slapping his face. The magazine flew out of my hands and the chair skidded across the floor as I ran to Tim's side. The Doctor instructed me as I helped him attempt to arouse Tim. Eventually, Tim's eyes fluttered open and he stared glassy eyed at the ceiling, motionless and seemingly incoherent.
The door to the examination room flung open and in burst approximately 6 EMT's with a stretcher and all of their equipment. They loaded Tim onto the stretcher and administered an IV, all while the Doctor explained Tim's symptoms. He seemed convinced that Tim had suffered a heart attack or stroke, he was very, very concerned.
I hopped into our car to follow the ambulance to the hospital. I was terrified, yet very relieved, in the hope that perhaps now we could get to the bottom of the mysterious illness that had plagued Tim for so long, rendering him helpless.
It became apparent very quickly that one can be in jeopardy of cardiac arrest or a stroke and an emergency room wait will STILL be 6 hours minimum. The nurses made Tim comfortable and checked his vitals on a regular basis. Finally, a young attractive woman walked in and introduced herself as the emergency room physician for that evening. I was awestruck as she began to explain that she was one of the lead Specialists in the area dealing with stress related illnesses and anxiety disorders. As she talked, she described Tim and his symptoms to a T. It all began to make sense. All of the unexplained episodes or disorientation, lightheadedness, blackouts.......it was ALL neurological. What I had known all along, deep down, began to come together like a jigsaw puzzle.
I could see the relief on Tim's face as well, as though he had known all along that what he was experiencing had nothing to do with his heart. The Doctor began to explain that she travelled the area giving lectures and seminars on anxiety disorders to medical professionals. She talked about how people are often misdiagnosed with some other ailment when in reality, they are suffering from stress and anxiety. We asked her about the burning sensation he experienced so often......."adrenaline rushes" she called them. To explain it, do you know how you feel when you have a near accident or you become really, really frightened and you experience that hot, burning, prickly sensation all over your body for a split second? THAT is an adrenaline rush. Tim would feel that for days at a time, non stop, it was miserable. She pinpointed his other symptoms perfectly, she had an answer for everyone.
I finally decided to address the elephant in the room. "Doctor" I said, "Are you saying that my husband has had a nervous breakdown"? She was hesitant, looking at the ceiling, choosing her words very, very carefully. "Well" she said, "We don't really call it that anymore because there is such a stigma attached to the term "nervous breakdown" so, we choose to refer to it as acute stress and anxiety disorder which is, in fact, what your husband has been suffering."
I took it all in. What did this mean for Tim? What did it mean for us, the church, his ministry? I was fearful, but determined to get thru this and to protect my husband and his reputation. That day marked his first diagnosed "nervous breakdown" and was the first of at least two more that went undiagnosed. That day began our long and arduous journey.
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