Finally.....

I have always had a love/hate relationship with weddings.  I love, love, love the smell of the flowers, sounds of the children, the swish, swish of tafetta, the click and flash of the cameras......and then, there is the dress, of course.  On the flipside I loathe the hoards of money and the family fights it takes to pull one off.  I have been the bride in two, the flower girl, candlelighter and bridesmaid in too many to count and cried at two in which my son and daughter were key participants.  As a former Pastor's wife I helped to coordinate several and smiled for the camera, corsage on my shoulder as my late husband and I cozied up to the happy couple.  All in all, weddings are joyous, if not always harmonious occasions.

Inevitably, thru the years, regardless if I were a part of the wedding party looking on from the sidelines, or watching from a pew as mother, Pastor's wife or friend, I pause and hold my breath during the sacred vows.  Do these two young people really and truly understand the gravity of the words they utter?  Do they even comprehend poverty?  Do they realize they will look back on lean years of Top Ramen and PB&J?  What about for better or worse?  There are seasons when the bad times outweigh the good.....are they really ready for that?  Are they willing to love, honour and cherish one another, to no longer have ownership over their own bodies?  And all of this until death parts them?  I don't think the starry eyed couple really stop to think about "in sickness and in health."  To their youthful hearts sickness is comprised of a mild fever, runny nose, the stomach flu.....surely not a sickness unto death, and most certainly not a sickness of the emotions or the mind.

Shoot, I think if we breathless, blushing brides had known the troubles and trials of a marital union during the ceremony, we would have ditched that overpriced bouquet and those ugly rhinestone shoes and hitched a ride to the mall......but we didn't and we don't because love is the strongest emotion known to man.  The Bible tells us so eloquently "Love beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things."  That is  the very vital, key ingredient.....love.  It is what makes us promise those things and mean it with every fiber of our being.

Had I known on January 29th, 1983 at the tender age of 16 what my groom and I would face, what I would endure in just 26 short years perhaps I would have escaped into the night and buried myself in a box of See's candy.  But then again, no, I would not have........there was that little thing called love.

This is my story, a story of heartbreak and pain beyond measure.  Some of the details may make you cringe and cover your computer screen with your hand in revulsion.  It may make you cry, or perhaps even feel anger.  Regardless of your response, my prayer is that my story makes you grab your husband, wife or child and hang on for dear life and love them like you have never loved them before.

And so, we walk this journey together......for I am finally at peace and released to tell my story..............Finally.